I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
