i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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