I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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