Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
