Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
