Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize