What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
