I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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