12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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