I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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