Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
