is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
