My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
