you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
