She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
