I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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