I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
