Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
