Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My ATM looks so different sober.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
