i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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