I just made out with a guy for $7.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
