nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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