Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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