I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
