I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
