I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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