Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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