as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
