He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
