Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
