He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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