dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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