I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
