Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
