Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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