I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
