4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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