We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
