Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
