rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
