i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
wow bdsm is so cute
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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