I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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