dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
