I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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