Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
