Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
