Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize