Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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