I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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