in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
