when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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