There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
