false alarm. still invincible.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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