i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
