She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
