I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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