ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wear drunk well.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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