they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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