dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
