only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
